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After the phone meeting yesterday afternoon, I took a mental hike and put on the movie 傾城之戀. Although director Ann Hui had at her dispose the bone fide Repulse Bay Hotel as background, Chow Yen Fat at his prime, a solid foreign cast, a fine translator and a budget for war scenes, her adaptation of arguably the most famous short story of Eileen Chang was disappointing to me. Unsatisfied, I went to the source and reread the original text— yes, 流蘇 was more vulnerable to 柳原 than I have remembered, or have come to think. In other words, the portrayals of流蘇in this movie and in the recent staged version by the Hong Kong Repertory Theatre were more faithful than I want to give credit to. Still, I feel that in both versions, the romantic tug-of-war between the leading men and the leading women exhibits no sparkles. And in this particular story, if the game isn’t exciting, the love that makes a city fall renders meaningless. I don’t know… maybe it’s me; maybe I am more turned on by the seduction than the love, or maybe I am too much of a feminist. I keep thinking that柳原’s power is too one-sided in these adaptations. His motives and vulnerability are not shown, while 流蘇’s irresistible appeal is overwhelmed by the disadvantaged situation that she puts herself in. Any amount of explanation about how 柳原 is obsessed with a “real Chinese woman” is futile: it’s just not fun.

Reading the original text offered no console either. Too many of Eileen’s lines and observations were transplanted to the adaptations verbatim. The déjà vu had cost me the interest in determining Chang’s original intention for the characters. I turned to 第一爐香 instead.

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I am simply having too much fun. This morning I started reading on historic reservation of an old house on Cap Hill, a cognitive analysis of tagging by Rashmi Sinha, and finally 第一爐香. When I finished with the story, I put on some music and imagined the last scene. Music is so wonderful in creating a sense of space for the listener. The songs put me right in the middle of a pre-war灣仔花市. Moving along the chaotic hawker stalls, hearing the loud people flowing alongside, and then, passing by一爐快燒完的香，I fly into the sea and the sky, floating in the endless space. So private, and so empty.

I am simply having too much fun. I keep thinking about what Fiona Apple had been doing in her 5-year hibernation (I keep glimpsing at the clock too, oh well): sitting in her backyard, thinking and playing with pine cones. "I was making little pine-cone people with razor blades,” Fiona said. ” … [her close friends] couldn't believe that when I'm sitting and thinking that's how I work."

I feel you Fiona. I want to just sit and think and fuss around all day to work too. I love wandering and getting lost. I like being irresponsible and a bit crazy.

But I also know that I am pretty lucky that I get to fuss around at home right now and push the work to later. That’s why I’ve got to work hard.